You Suck: A Love Story by Christopher Moore

You Suck: A Love Story by Christopher Moore
2007 HarperCollins

My brother knows good books. Usually. Whenever he hands me a book and says "You'll like it" he' s usually right. When he handed me You Suck he also gave me a word of caution. His exact words were "Read this like its a movie." I should have followed his advice the first time I read the book.

The first time through You Suck was annoying. It was like reading the script for Reaper and Twilight and having no clue whats going on. It was an okay read the first time around, vampires running from vampire hunters with a super annoying girl Friday. Then I re-read the book with my brothers instructions. What a difference!

You Suck is an enjoyable book. Its funny without being too slapstick. The characters remind you of all the people you went to college with. C. Thomas Flood, the male lead, reminds you of a favorite, well-meaning but not too bright cousin who comes to visit. Abby Normal is Tommy's very willing minion with more mouth than common sense. In fact, Abby is my favorite character in the book. Tommy is okay but he is so pathetic and needy its almost sad. There's also Jody Stroud, Tommy's vampire girlfriend who changed him over to the fanged side, a blue (literally) prostitute, a really fat cat and his drunk homeless owner and The Animals. The Animals are the guys who were at the frat house who drank too much and took 12 years to graduate, but had a good time on the way to the podium.

The book cover summary reads:

You bitch, you killed me. You suck!"

Being dead sucks. Make that being undead sucks.

Literally. Just ask Thomas C. Flood. Waking up after a fantastic night unlike anything he's ever experienced, he discovers that his girlfriend, Jody—the woman of his dreams—is a vampire. And surprise! Now he's one, too.

For some couples, the whole biting-and-blood thing would have been a deal breaker. But Tommy and Jody are in love, and they vow to work through their issues. Like how much Jody should teach Tommy about his new superpowers (and how much he needs to learn on his own). Plus there's Tommy's cute new minion, sixteen-year-old goth girl Abby Normal. (Well, someone has to run errands during daylight hours!)

Making the relationship work, however, is the least of Jody and Tommy's problems. Word has it that the vampire who nibbled on Jody wasn't supposed to be recruiting any new members into the club. Even worse, Tommy's erstwhile turkey-bowling pals are out to get him, at the urging of a blue-dyed Las Vegas call girl named (duh) Blue.

And that really sucks.

And like all book covers it gives you just enough info to encourage minor interest but with none of the fun stuff like:

And the cop was all, "Can I see your student ID?"

And I was like, FUCK, because I didn't know which college would be most likely to have a sorority, so I went with my Berkley student ID, because Berkeley is a well known bastion of hippie behavior and higher learning in which a sorority girl would probably have to blow like a hundred football players just to keep her GPA up. And cops like football.

Ok. What?
That's what I'm talking about. You can't read that paragraph in your head like a normal sentence. You have to imagine 16 year old Goth wannabe Abby standing in front of the cops trying to get back to protecting her master (a one week old vampire) and his lover. How can you not love that?

You Suck is the continuation of a series of "Love Stories" with vampires doing the proverbial dance of love. This is the first Moore book that I have read, and to be honest, unless my brother puts another one on my dresser I most likely wont read another one. But I did enjoy this book and would recommend it if you need a little cheering up or a light read at the beach.